Little Beginnings

Finally started my fashion design beginner’s course.I tell you,it was like a breathe of fresh air.With no prior knowledge to sewing or tailoring, It was something I looked forward to (and still do).

And so I thought it will be easy,but who says something good comes easy? As time went by, I realise its not an easy task and if iwant to be the best, I have to learn against all odds. and I learnt and still learning and its been the best experience ever.

And who says I never thought of giving up? I almost discontinued my lessons. I thought of the distance, the difficulty getting to fashion school from my place of residence. I thought of my lack of money to buy some sewing materials (seeing that I recently lost my job), and I almost threw in the trowel.

But hey! amidst all these challenges,I sewed my first skirt-a half circle skirt!!!Yay!!! and I wore it on a date.I looked and felt so fashionable.You know that feeling you get when you know deep within you that you are wearing one of your creations! Yes! I was proud! and of course HE loved it!!!!Natty“>Natty

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Life Happened!!

yes! Life happened! and just like that,I lost my mom,February 5th 2017 to be precise.I have not been able to talk about how I feel about this till now. Well…..they said putting your feelings on paper helps to ease the pain,but will it ever go away? I ain’t one to express my feelings,its just something I don’t know how to do. I always feel talking about such stuff is a sign of weakness….and hey….I ain’t the only one with problems so why share mine? But I feel so overwhelmed,I feel like if I don’t say something about the hurt and pain,my head will burst! I thought crying my eyes out will ease the pain,but I don’t see that working….so I have resolved to write!

After seeing my mom suffer so much with breast cancer,after seeing her body shut down slowly,I thought moving on after her passing will be easy…I see her face in my head every time,is it the flash backs?it comes without a heads-up,everything around me reminds me of her. sometimes I wake up in the morning crying 4 no reason….and I wonder how am going to go through the day without her…..and then the feelings of regrets and guilt floods in and then I cry more,wishing things were different,wishing I could regain the times I lost…..times I should have drawn closer,times I should have listened,times I spent living my Life!!! I should have listened when she said ‘Uzoma come home,money is not everything’,if only I knew that all she wanted was for us to recreate that mother-daughter bond.I was chasing material things,where are they now? all gone!!!But I cherished our last two years together,mom I hope you did too.

its mother’s day today…and I miss you so much!

it’s a new year

The first day of the new year got me thinking like what’s the point being happy and hopeful when its clear that tougher days (filled with uncertainty) are ahead to witness and experience.

2016 was a bad year for me and my family (nobody died,which am grateful for) but it wasnt pleasant anyways….but hey!….am thankful! my family made it through despite the health challenges we faced and still facing….yea….still facing..

cancer is a deadly disease….if you think it affects just one person?….naa,it affects every one related to the patient…you get to see your loved one suffer in pain and agony and knowing that there is nothing you can do about it,or is it how confusing it is seeing different symptom arise each day and not knowing what to do to relieve your loved one. How about spending so much on the treatment and its not working,trying other forms of treatment and nothing!

i watch my mother’s health deteriorate everyday and there is nothing i can do to make her feel comfortable no matter how little.I hear her talk about dieing everyday and it breaks my heart to know that she is tired of fighting,and every one hushing her not to talk about death because ‘there is nothing God cannot do’…agreed,but who wont be tired anyways…..with no strength left in her, who wont?

This makes me wonder sometimes if God is there watching,listening,or just observing? or worst has he just ignored or neglected our whole situation. The annoying thing is i hear of other people healed of cancer,tumour miraculously disappeared,e.t.c and i wonder.. maybe we (my family) is different,maybe we havent prayed enough,or we aint worthy? or worse….our sins are so dirty that God will not smile on us with a miracle….i am tired of praying,each time i open my mouth, i dont know what to sk God for anymore,each time i open my mouth, tears come out,because i dont know what to ask for again…. I am tired of people telling me it will be well when its clearly not….i don’t want to loose my mother,that’s all i know, I just dont want to..